Lauren Herschel first shared via twitter something her Doctor explained to her,
called the Ball and the Box analogy.
It resonates, and I'd like to share.
"So grief is like this:
There's a box with a ball in it.
And a pain button...
In the beginning, the ball is huge.
You can't move the box without the ball hitting the pain button.
It rattles around on it's own in there and it hits the button over and over.
You can't control it-
it just keeps hurting.
Sometimes it seems unrelenting.
Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button, less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much. It's better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it.
For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less and you have more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant."
I didn't invent this idea, however it struck me as being particularly profound in terms of grief. In this first year, I've had days where it seems unbearable, days where it doesn't seem real. I like talking about her. I like keeping her close. Such a vibrant light. Still, it's hard for me to speak of my Mother in the past tense. I have certainly isolated myself, not that I liked many people before. I find the mundane, impossible to be patient with. I watch as employees silently secrete misery simply going thru the motions. All the while I'm challenged by merely showing up. Nothing seems worth it. The highs and the lows are gone, and I seem to be living in a constant state of sepia tone...And yet still, I don't want this pain to go-away. That means she has gone-away. I have to face the fact that even though everything is different, life remains the same. Their is no timeline for this grief. For me-it changes, it shifts. Despite my attachment to the pain, I currently live with I am somehow comforted by the Peace and understanding that this is how it is...until it isn't. Every Breath.
Source-
Check out: @LaurenHerschel tomakeachoice.blogspot.com
Story by: Elizabeth Cassidy at The Mighty-
a digital health community created to empower
and connect people facing health challenges and disabilities.
https://themighty.com/2018/12/ball-box-analogy-grief/
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