'The Secret'
'The Power of Positive Thinking'
'The Artists Way'
'The Law of Attraction'
Manifestation
Affirmations
Chanting
Vision Board
New Moon Wish List
Channeling
Gratitude List
I've tried them all. Lived by them, at one point in time or other.
So I can say this...
unequivocally-
I call Bullshit.
It's not so much that any of these don't particularly work.
Perhaps they do, for a time.
But, for me, I'm done.
I have always felt that I had some power inside of me. Destined for something great.
Coupled with hard work & a bit of luck, I thought I could do anything.
A magical prescribed pint sized spirituality dosage sprinkled in my heart.
And as a child...
I believed it...
Lived it.
Until the Summer of last year.
I have been thrown off course.
Encouraged to seek an alternative to an alternative lifestyle...
What would that be?
Normal???
I can't do THAT
But what do I do when I realize,
The life I have lived all along is...wrong.
I am in doubt. I have lost faith.
This is a comedy right.
Still looking for the funny.
Yesterday, I hid from a friend (a more than acquaintance/friend)
hid,
ducked out of a gathering,
because I didn't want to force faux joy salutations
& answer the question,
"How are you doing?"
Truth:
I'm generally OK, with a topical haze of melancholy,
But the last thing I want to do...is...
-pretend I'm good.
Nobody likes misery.
People would like to avoid it at all costs whenever possible.
Denial is a contemporary vaccine.
But maybe honesty, peppered with a syringe of awareness...
Theres a chance THAT is somewhat tolerable.
The only way for me to move past this chapter,
is to move thru it.
Turn a new page.
Maybe...that^I read in a book somewhere.
So often I'm at a loss these days.
Caught up in my own wonderment.
It's moments like this when I understand death is merely a passing to the next step. Momma & I often talked about our connection. And while she may have passed from this realm to the next, our spirits remain in tact.
Grateful to open up this book today,
directly to this page,
and see her voice-
"A day to sincerely turn toward myself,
Let's see what's there."
Yes we shall-
Shining thru still.
Always.
This is love.
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